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Liberty News ForumLNF Forums HereThe Writer's Croft - Creative Writing Corner › A lullaby for Bernie. (commentary, critique)
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Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies) A lullaby for Bernie. (commentary, critique) (Read 3,617 times)
thetycoon
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A lullaby for Bernie. (commentary, critique)
Mar 13th, 2013 at 3:31pm
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(See the other thread for the story)
« Last Edit: Mar 14th, 2013 at 11:58pm by »  
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Writers_Block
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #1 - Mar 13th, 2013 at 8:48pm
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I wish you had written the entire story before posting.
  
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thetycoon
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #2 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 2:49am
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I wish you had written the entire story before posting.

Well, it's meant to be rather long, so if people don't like the first installment, I am not sure it's worth continuing.
  
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Darwinist
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #3 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 1:34pm
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Well, it's meant to be rather long, so if people don't like the first installment, I am not sure it's worth continuing.

Ah - that's what the delay's been about....

More! More! Smiley
  

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Writers_Block
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #4 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 6:14pm
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Well, it's meant to be rather long, so if people don't like the first installment, I am not sure it's worth continuing.


I'm trying to figure out why you started it off like you did.....what is the point of the guy saying he's essentially a womanizer. Then suddenly you introduce the woman, I guess the arm candy woman. You're giving me two issues and not sure where you're going with it.

I guess I was expecting another piece like you did before.
  
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thetycoon
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #5 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 7:02pm
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I'm trying to figure out why you started it off like you did.....what is the point of the guy saying he's essentially a womanizer. Then suddenly you introduce the woman, I guess the arm candy woman. You're giving me two issues and not sure where you're going with it.

I guess I was expecting another piece like you did before.

I don't know, some great novels start this way, IE in the first person and with the narrator not introducing himself until late in the story. In some cases the narrator remains unknown and next to nothing is revealed about him/her. There's a novel for example where the narrator introduce her whole family one by one before we learn the first thing about her personally. I don't remember the title but I'll think about it and get back to you, if you wish.
  
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Writers_Block
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #6 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 7:54pm
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I don't know, some great novels start this way, IE in the first person and with the narrator not introducing himself until late in the story. In some cases the narrator remains unknown and next to nothing is revealed about him/her. There's a novel for example where the narrator introduce her whole family one by one before we learn the first thing about her personally. I don't remember the title but I'll think about it and get back to you, if you wish.


I'm not addressing any of that. I just don't know where you're going with this. You start off making the narrator look like a cad and then scene 1 a woman comes in....What are you trying to do with her character-wise?
  
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Writers_Block
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #7 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 7:57pm
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You second post. I see you rushing this, but still I'm not sure how this is advancing the story,


When you considered the story, did you do any kind of outline, even in your own mind. Do you already know how it's going to end?
  
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thetycoon
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #8 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 9:40pm
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I'm not addressing any of that. I just don't know where you're going with this. You start off making the narrator look like a cad and then scene 1 a woman comes in....What are you trying to do with her character-wise?

You're not supposed to know these things at this point.
What do you want from me, a summation of the story ahead? That wouldn't make sense much now, would it?
The narrator is not supposed to conform to your personal conception of good or bad, why would he?
One of Agatha Christie's narrators was a murderer, we don't learn that before the end of the story

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Murder_of_Roger_Ackroyd#Plot_summary.

Your questions don't make much sense, sorry.
  
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thetycoon
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Re: A lullaby for Bernie.
Reply #9 - Mar 14th, 2013 at 9:44pm
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You second post. I see you rushing this, but still I'm not sure how this is advancing the story,

What am I rushing exactly? I don't understand.
Quote:
When you considered the story, did you do any kind of outline, even in your own mind. Do you already know how it's going to end?

Of course, but you are not supposed to.
  
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