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Frank1
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S.J.W.P.D.
Jun 8th, 2015 at 10:44pm
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Yeah, it ain't as good as the first.  I just changed some terms while basically keeping the original story.  I bring you: Social Justice Warrior Police Department!!



I was smoking a joint and reading “The Feminine Mystique” in the front seat of my pastel-colored police cruiser when a call came in. It was the chief, so I listened eagerly to see what zee had to say.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Are the Christo-fascists promoting heterosexual marriage again?”

“Worse. Somebody just told Catherine Jenner they would continue to call zer Bruce."

I dropped my joint in outrage.  “What kind of trans-phobic, cis-gender monster would do something like that?  Don't they know that 'transitioning' is a non-violent personal choice and one that helps to undermine patriarchy and religious fascism?  Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided we can do so without engaging in ableism, ageism, sexism, or racism!”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “We are, after all, on the right side of history.”

Zee laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find the perp.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I checked to make sure I had my wiffel bat and crutches, nodded at my able-bodied assistant and hit the road.  Ten minutes later, I was on the scene.  I checked to make sure the building was handicap accessible and then went inside.

“All white, cis-gender males freeze!” I said, flashing my badge and wiffel bat and a small picture of Karl Marx. “Do not move unless you are a minority, or are disabled, or a woman, or part of some other group historically underprivileged and oppressed by the patriarchy!”  Almost everyone left the room.

“Now, which one of you white myn thinks Catherine Jenner still needs to be called Bruce?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that you must actively support anyone who chooses to engage in a non-traditional lifestyle?”  There is no middle ground, you are with us, or with the patriarchy.

A few white males sheepishly looked at the ground.

“Seriously, guys. Without the acknowledged support (or at least enforced silence) of all of society, people like Catherine cannot cope.  Their self-esteem cannot withstand any rejection.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that the rights of all trans-people were at stake.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit a marijuana cigarette and waited. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told zer that I hoped zer baby was not a male. Just then, an able-bodied white man made a break for it.

“Freeze!” I yelled.

Too late. Zee was already out the front door. My assistant brought my crutches and I hobbled off after zim.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I hobbled along. Zee was faster than me because I am handi-capable but my able-bodied assistant was able to catch up to zim and smacked the perp in the back of the knees with zis wiffel bat.

“All right, all right!”  “I give up, cop! I confess: I said I would continue to call Catherine Jenner, ‘Bruce.’”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of a future where we are unable to speak our minds freely about traditional ways to view sexuality” zee said.  “I’m a Pastor.”

I wanted to beat the guy with my wiffel bat. Years ago, a Pastor offended my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your Christo-fascist friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many times you call Catherine Jenner, ‘Bruce’, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society where all humyns can have sex-change operations funded by the government.

Zee nodded, because zee knew I was right.

The end!
« Last Edit: Jun 8th, 2015 at 10:52pm by Frank1 »  


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I can't play the cello

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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #1 - Jun 8th, 2015 at 10:46pm
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Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

Respect the wiffel bat!
  

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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #2 - Jun 8th, 2015 at 10:57pm
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Gnome De Plume wrote on Jun 8th, 2015 at 10:46pm:
Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

Respect the wiffel bat!


Glad you liked it...I knew a Social Justice Warrior Police Department certainly would not issue guns to its officers!!   Shocked
  


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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #3 - Jun 8th, 2015 at 11:11pm
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Frank1 wrote on Jun 8th, 2015 at 10:57pm:
Glad you liked it...I knew a Social Justice Warrior Police Department certainly would not issue guns to its officers!!   Shocked

What do the uniforms look like?
  

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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #4 - Jun 8th, 2015 at 11:14pm
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Gnome De Plume wrote on Jun 8th, 2015 at 11:11pm:
What do the uniforms look like?


Like the Village People, I think: 


image hosting site over 5mb
  


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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #5 - Jun 8th, 2015 at 11:17pm
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Frank1 wrote on Jun 8th, 2015 at 11:14pm:

Oh that works a treat.
  

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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #6 - Jun 9th, 2015 at 4:17am
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I have a new t shirt.
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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #7 - Jun 9th, 2015 at 4:45am
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A very important story given the times we live in. Well done, Frank. The lack of celebration of this story leaves me to believe that we have a lot of Christo-fascists here on the forum, which is sad when you think about it.
  

Buddy_Love wrote on Jul 16th, 2019 at 5:17pm:
I'm fine where I am. I love America. However, you don't like America, so it's you that should leave.


Ulysses wrote on Aug 12th, 2019 at 10:00pm:
I dare you to say that to Cuomo's face.
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Re: S.J.W.P.D.
Reply #8 - Jun 9th, 2015 at 11:14am
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Limey. wrote on Jun 9th, 2015 at 4:17am:


Sounds about right.   Grin

Just make everything legal and you have no more crime!   Shocked
  


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