Here’s a skit that focuses on the idea of term limits for our power-hungry moguls in Congress. I firmly believe that much of the problems we have in government today are due to the fact that we allow these people to make careers out of politics. They’re so focused on keeping their seats in power that they render themselves useless in terms of doing what’s best for the American people. Well, enjoy:
JASMINE: Welcome, friends, to another sizzling edition of “All That Jaz!”
*Audience cheers: “Jasmine! Jasmine! JASMINE!”*
JASMINE: Aw, thank you, guys! You’re too kind. Hey, we’ve got a great show for you today. Our special guest is a composite of all of our elected senators and representatives in Washington DC! Let’s bring him out now. Give it up for Joe Politician!
*Audience boos as Joe Politician walks to the stage*
JOE POLITICIAN: Uh, hi Jasmine. I’m glad to be here.
JASMINE: Welcome, sir. Thanks for joining us today. Today, the topic we’ll discuss is “term limits.”
JOE POLITICIAN: What? Uhhh, I was told…I was told, ummm… I thought the topic was going to be our economy.
JASMINE: Yeah, well, we had a change of plans. See, I started thinking about it, and I’ve concluded that most of nation’s problems can be traced to the lack of term limits for our people in Congress. Do you agree?
JOE POLITICIAN: Uhhhh. Ummm. I don’t know. Can I get back to you on that?
JASMINE: Why can’t you give me your opinion now?
JOE POLITICIAN: Well, I just…ummm. Well, what do the opinion polls say?
JASMINE: See, that’s what I’m talking about. You Congress people don’t have any backbone to make the right decisions for your constituents. Your actions can change with the wind, depending on opinion polls and such. All you care about is getting reelected. Isn’t that true?
JOE POLITICIAN: Uhhh, I need a drink.
JASMINE: That’s the Ted Kennedy part peeking through you.
*Audience roars with laughter. “TED’S A DRUNK! TED’S A DRUNK! TED’S A DRUNK!”*
JOE POLITICIAN: Look, I just don’t want to debate without the facts. I suck at this.
JASMINE: You suck? That’s the Barney Frank part peeking through you.
*Audience laughs some more. “BARNEY’S GAY! BARNEY’S GAY!”*
JOE POLITICIAN: Don’t you people insult me. I’m a man!
JASMINE: That’s Nancy Pelosi.
*Audience roars with laughter*
JASMINE: Think for a minute, Joe. You say anything to get elected. And once you’re elected, what’s the first priority you have?
JOE POLITICIAN: Getting re-elected, of course. I want to serve the people. I can’t serve if I’m not in office.
JASMINE: Uh huh. And then when you get re-elected, what is your first priority?
JOE POLITICIAN: Getting re-elected again, of course. I want to serve the people. I can’t serve if I’m not in office.
JASMINE: Right. So, at what point do you actually start concentrating on “serving the people”?
JOE POLITICIAN: …
JASMINE: Exactly. You won’t do anything meaningful, will you? You won’t do your job. You just go whichever way the winds blow. You have no backbone to do what is right, because you’re afraid the voters won’t like it.
JOE POLITICIAN: Well, what do you suggest, smarty pants?
JASMINE: All politicians should have term limits imposed on them. Two terms, max. No more career politicians. That way, if you’re going to run for office, know that your time there will be limited. Do what people elected you to do: serve. If you can’t agree to that, you don’t deserve to be in office in the first place. Do you agree?
JOE POLITICIAN: I don’t know. Uhh, what do the opinion polls say?
JASMINE: You know what? Let’s take a poll right now. Hey Jasminaholics! Do you want me to bash Joe Politician’s head with a steel chair?
*Audience goes wild: “YES! YES! YES! BASH HIS HEAD! BASH HIS HEAD! BASH HIS HEAD!”*
JOE POLITICIAN: I don’t like this poll.
JASMINE: *Picks up steel chair* Well, the people have spoken, don’t you think?
JOE POLITICIAN: Look, I know you want me to agree to term limits. But I can’t. I mean, that’s like asking Shady Larva to give up abortions. It’s all I know. Please, try to understand. What do you want me to do, get a regular job?
JASMINE: Sir, consider your term in Congress officially “limited.” In fact, consider it over as…of…now!
*Jasmine winds up and clobbers Joe Politician with steel chair, knocking him unconscious and into a crumpled heap on the floor*
*Audience shouts its approval*
JASMINE: Tune in next week, folks, when we try to “term limit” some other Congressional piece of garbage!