My Waterboarding Experience
Okay, as you all know, there has been much debate recently about this so-called “waterboarding” interrogation technique. Some people call it torture, while others insist it is merely an unpleasant-but-effective technique designed to get crucial information. Well, as a public service to my friends at the Liberty News Forum, I decided to undergo this “waterboarding” and report back the results. Here are my findings.
I went into the shower and turned the water on. Immediately, I felt a level of discomfort. I wanted to “give up,” so to speak.
But then, the water gradually got warmer. So I was fine.
I stood under the water for what seemed like minutes. The water kept pouring on me. At about the two-minute mark, I felt I was drowning. Again, at this point I was ready to give up.
Then, a thought hit me: “Breathe.” So I did. And I was fine again.
I thought I was going to be able to beat this. The water kept coming, but I was standing firm.
Then it happened. I felt this other substance being applied to my head, in addition to the water.
Panic set in. Obviously, I was not expecting the session to reach the next level so soon. Immediately, I tried to shut my eyes tight, but it was too late. Some of it seeped in.
The substance stung. It was, well, how can I describe it? It was…….soapy.
Next thing I know, the substance mixed with water was being scrubbed all over my head! Again, fear set in. Would more of this lathery stuff get in my eyes?
About two minutes later, it was over. I had survived this waterboarding thing. I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy. But I think I am a better person for having gone through it. Without a doubt, I felt cleaner somehow. I heartily recommend waterboarding to *ALL* captive terrorists, whether they have information or not. In the end, they will feel better about themselves.